Part 1 - A journey of a thousand miles ...

After getting up with the sparrows, I flouted the Scottish tradition of sinking airport pints at 6am and had a coffee instead.

WTF is this pish? I ordered a lager.

Air Transat's in-flight entertainment system allows other passengers to challenge you to various games. Imagine my delight when Bob from Seat 42J challenged me to a game of a Tic-Tac-Toe. Now the journey would just, er, fly in.

10 minutes later and having handed him his arse three set in a row, Bob took the huff and flounced off (digitally). Slighted by Bob's poor sportsmanship, I got out my seat to go and see if he was actually a wee kid, and was surprised to learn he was a fully-grown and somewhat grumpy-looking adult.

Half Man Half Biscuit have a song for every occasion.

Instead, I amused myself with the Solitaire (Patience) game which passed without incident, except when the little old lady sat next to me, who hadn't breathed a word all flight, committed several fragrant breaches of Solitaire etiquette to inform me about each move I'd missed.

 
On arrival, I swanned through customs and collected my luggage, and only 2 buses and a 20 minute walk in the blistering heat later, I arrived at my hotel - a hidden gem. Tucked away in an industrial estate and nestled snugly between a bottling factory and a motorway, it boasted a water slide (AND swimming pool) and a breath-taking view. The receptionist was very pleasant, albeit horrified when I told her I didn't have a car and was going to walk somewhere to get some food.

    

The view from my hotel window alone justified the price of the hotel